| National studies find that elder abuse is often | | | | effort has merely saved mother's money for the |
| committed by family members. Many times these | | | | inevitable nursing home. |
| are Caregivers. The resulting conflict and alienation | | | | Driven by these factors the caregiver may |
| can be avoided. A "caregiver contract" can | | | | appropriate a parent's money to pay her bills or |
| eliminate problems of financial elder before they | | | | to buy things that salve the hurt. Without |
| occur. | | | | voluntary and informed consent by a competent |
| There comes a time when an aging parent needs | | | | parent, these appropriations are elder abuse and |
| a full time caregiver. Many times a child, usually a | | | | the daughter could be subject to criminal |
| daughter, steps up and either moves in or takes | | | | prosecution. While even the smallest taking is |
| mom in her own home. Everybody knows that | | | | criminal, it is often that the money taken is small |
| being a full time caregiver for an elderly person is | | | | at the start and then rapidly grows. The result is |
| a difficult job, but not everybody appreciates how | | | | an elder who loses her caregiver and has no |
| dangerous it can be for the caregiver and the | | | | money left to pay for commercial care. |
| elder. Too often elder abuse becomes a part of | | | | Dysfunctionality of the family is another factor |
| the relationship. While there is a wide array of | | | | often at work in these situations. While there are |
| abuse, one form may easily be avoided and that | | | | many causes, a commonly overlooked |
| is financial abuse by an exhausted child caregiver. | | | | component is that of the dependent personality |
| Reports have shown that elder abuse is most | | | | of the parent. It sets up a |
| often committed by persons known to the elder. | | | | psychodynamicbetween the parent and those |
| Spouses and children are the top perpetrators. | | | | upon whom he or she depends. I describe it as |
| There are abusers who are caregivers for only | | | | the pattern of the dependent person who needs |
| one purpose - to get the elder'smoney. When | | | | others for support. This type of person marries a |
| financial elder abuse is committed by children, it is | | | | spouse with a "strong" personality who proceeds |
| often by those who have a history of financial | | | | to be the "one in charge who takes care of |
| problems or addictions. The great majority of | | | | everything." |
| caregivers are not in it for the money. They don't | | | | The "weaker" spouse develops ways of |
| want any of a parent's property and if asked will | | | | manipulating the stronger to get his or her needs |
| say "if I wanted money I would have gotten a | | | | met. When the strong spouse dies the weak |
| job." Yet there are times when these well | | | | spouse needs somebody to depend on. The |
| meaning children dip into their parent's accounts to | | | | pattern, including manipulation, continues. This is a |
| benefit themselves. | | | | setup for conflict. Then comes the drama where |
| A short definition of elder abuse is any taking of a | | | | the parent has "scripted the parts" and the |
| vulnerable adult's property for self use. If a parent | | | | children play their roles. The setup in the caregiver |
| is dependent on a child for full time care then she | | | | context is the the parent's message "I'm so |
| is vulnerable. Even if she is of sound mind her will | | | | thankful for you. Nobody else cares about me." |
| can be overcome bypressure from the caregiver. | | | | At different times the parent may have said the |
| A simple statement such as "I will have to put | | | | same thing to other children. Compounding the |
| you in a nursing home and get a job" can cause | | | | difficulty is that one child may adopt the |
| the elder to give the caregiver almost anything. | | | | personality of the weaker parent and the sibling |
| There is a complex interplay of fact and emotion | | | | adopts the stronger. For example, the oldest son |
| that can drive a caregiver to financial elder abuse. | | | | may not be suitable for care giving but may have |
| Studies show that the stress of full time care | | | | the personality of the deceased stronger spouse. |
| giving causes serious health impairments. The | | | | In that case then he often "comes to the rescue" |
| stressors are many. The parent may be a | | | | of the parent against the "abusive" sibling |
| demanding, unappreciative patient. The child may | | | | caregiver. |
| be on 24 hour duty for months without a break. | | | | The best way to avoid this type of conflict is to |
| The caregiver may become emotionally | | | | act before it happens. An elder law attorney |
| exhausted and angry at the parent for her loss | | | | should set up the business relationship of care |
| of health and lack of appreciation. She be angry | | | | giving. All interested persons should be involved. |
| with siblings who do not do their share to help out. | | | | There should be an independent,professional |
| A child caregiver's services, no matter how | | | | assessment of the extent of the need for |
| valuable, are presumed to be rendered | | | | assistance. The commercial cost of these |
| gratuitously. The unpaid child caregiver who lives in | | | | services should be identified. The persons who |
| the parent's home often has very little financial | | | | perform the services are identified. A contract is |
| means. The caregiver may only be | | | | completed specifying the services to be provided |
| availablebecause she is not employed. She often | | | | and the compensation for those services. In this |
| has no spouse and very little in savings. The | | | | way nobody is taken advantage of, not the elder |
| caregiver may note that the siblings are doing well | | | | nor the caregiver. There would be no charge of |
| financially while she is tottering on the brink of | | | | financial abuse of an elder or the permanent |
| financial ruin. She may become aware of the | | | | alienation of the caregiver as a thief. |
| commercial value of her care. A live-in aide may | | | | Dysfunctional family relationships are a common |
| cost over $7,000 per month. Finally feeling at the | | | | cause of caregiver conflict. |
| end of her rope she may conclude that all her | | | | |