Parenting - Is it Always About the Kids?

When I began my career as a parenting coachkids stem from issues with the parents. What do
over six years ago, my aim was to share myI mean by that? My instincts have guided me to
expertise and 20 years experience in parentingalways look deeper into the context of the
and child development. I'd learned so much"problem" behavior. What's going on in the home?
throughout my years of study, working withHow much attention is the child receiving? What is
children and being a parent, I wanted to sharethe quality of the relationship between Mom and
what I knew with other parents. Parenting, as farDad? Is there a need for control on the part of
as I'm concerned is the most important job you'llone of the parents that the child is reacting to?
ever have. As Virginia Satir tells us, "Parents teachAre one or both parents reacting against their
in the toughest school in the world, the school forown upbringing?
making people."Often parents who were brought up in an abusive
Prior to becoming a coach, I had spent 20 yearsenvironment are determined their kids won't
as a workshop presenter, teaching parents aboutexperience the same thing, so they become
democratic parenting. That is parenting thatpermissive and don't establish clear boundaries.
provides clear, concise boundaries but allowsKids who have inconsistent boundaries will
children a voice, within those boundaries. Iconstantly test to find out what the boundaries
expected that when I began coaching privately Ireally are. Often parents are consumed with guilt
would be sharing the same strategies, only one onbecause of the number of hours they spend at
one. My clients would present an issue to me andwork so they try and compensate by spending
together we would discuss alternatives tomore money on their kids than they would if they
punishment and more democratic approaches towere at home more. These are just a few of the
parenting. My training in life coaching has given meissues parents present that can be major
the skills to ask provocative questions and listencontributing factors to their children's problematic
to not only what a client says, but what theybehavior. When we address our own issues, we
don't say.almost always see a dramatic change in our kids'
Through my years coaching parents, I've learnedbehavior.
that the majority of the time problems with the