| re all manner of different childcare options these | | | | your child used to going to nursery and |
| days, from the original extended-family to all-day | | | | associating it with happy times. If you can |
| expensive nurseries, or childminders or au pairs or | | | | manage to include a story time then this will be |
| live-in nannies — the list is endless. If we | | | | very useful as it is an easy introduction to the |
| follow the trend that this Government seems to | | | | notion of sitting still with all the other |
| be encouraging, ie that women should be out | | | | children. |
| there in the working world rather than at home | | | | It is very important, however, not to spend too |
| caring for their under-fives, then more and more | | | | long there at each visit, otherwise your child will |
| options will be needed. | | | | associate the nursery as a lovely place to go to |
| However, the point of this article is not to argue | | | | that you stay at as well. This is not the idea. The |
| the pros and cons of childcare that is needed so | | | | whole point is to foster the notion that nursery is |
| that the mother can return to paid employment | | | | a wonderful place where they can do fantastic |
| but rather some practical advice for mums about | | | | things to tell you about when you pick them up. |
| that thorny problem: separation anxiety. | | | | Before they actually start at Nursery, make sure |
| I am going to use the setting that I know most | | | | you talk about all the things that they will be doing |
| about: a Nursery School, attached to a primary | | | | there: the playdough, the watertray, the dressing |
| school and staffed by teachers/Nursery Nurses. I | | | | up clothes, the Home Corner, storytime etc. Also |
| have worked within this type of setting for many | | | | talk about the routine on the day(s) they will be |
| years and have also been on the receiving end as | | | | going. What time they will need to get up, how |
| a mother. | | | | they will get to Nursery (car/walk/bus), and most |
| For many mums, even though they understand | | | | important of all, that you will be doing really boring |
| just how important nursery education is, it is | | | | things while they are there, so they aren’t |
| extremely hard to leave your three-year old with | | | | missing anything. The final reinforced message |
| comparative strangers and expect to be happy | | | | you give them will be that you will be there to |
| about it. | | | | collect them. |
| You may have visited the Nursery several times. | | | | On the first day that you are to leave them at |
| You hopefully have had chats with the staff and | | | | Nursery make sure you give yourself lots of time. |
| shown your child all the exciting things he/she will | | | | If you get there too early/too late your anxiety |
| be able to do there. But nothing really prepares | | | | will be conveyed to your child. Arrive calmly, chat |
| you for how you will feel when you have to say | | | | to another mum if you feel able to or just point |
| goodbye and walk off, leaving your child behind. | | | | out interesting things to your child on the way in. |
| I have seen some mothers who frankly | | | | Make yourself known to a member of staff and |
| can’t get out of the building quick enough. | | | | lead your child in. Walk around with them and |
| Their children are equally divided into those who | | | | show them what activities are available that day. |
| also can’t get away from their mothers | | | | The Nursery will have a policy for what to do on |
| fast enough either and embrace their new world | | | | a child’s first day. Perhaps they will allow |
| with delight, and those who sob bitter tears at | | | | mum to stay for 10 minutes and then suggest |
| being abandoned for ever. | | | | she goes. Perhaps they will encourage separation |
| The more usual pattern of behaviour though is | | | | straight away and the child will be handed to a |
| that the mothers know they must leave their | | | | member of staff (who hopefully will be cuddly and |
| child but are reluctant to do so. This is partly | | | | kind and ease the transition of care). How ever it |
| because they genuinely don’t want to | | | | is done, do make sure you say goodbye |
| abandon them and also partly because they | | | | properly and state clearly that you will be back. |
| don’t want to be seen to be too eager to | | | | Mums (or dads) who sneak off when their child is |
| rush off. | | | | momentarily looking the other way are not helping |
| In my experience the least stressful way of | | | | themselves or their child. When this happens, |
| approaching nursery is this: | | | | most children think that their parent can’t |
| First, find a setting that you feel most | | | | be trusted and won’t take their eyes off |
| comfortable with. In order to do this, visit several | | | | them. Naturally this slows and hampers the |
| and try to spend some time there with your child. | | | | process of teaching the child that Nursery is a |
| You will have a strong basic instinct about | | | | lovely, safe place to be. |
| whether your child would like it there. Is it warm | | | | A lot of children do howl when they are first left. |
| sunny/bright? Are the children all gainfully | | | | The sense of abandonment is great when you |
| employed at a variety of activities? Are the staff | | | | are only three and no matter how you tried to |
| approachable and smiling? Do they genuinely seem | | | | hide it, they will have sensed your anxiety. Please |
| to like working there? Do they actually like | | | | believe me when I tell you that the vast majority |
| children? (Amazingly some don’t!) Are | | | | of children do stop crying very quickly. They may |
| there the right number of children? Perhaps your | | | | be subdued for a while but they soon realise that |
| child likes smaller places and huge, noisy rooms full | | | | they are safe and that there are lots of |
| of dozens of children all rushing about, would | | | | interesting things going on. What will help more |
| frighten and overwhelm him/her. Watch to see | | | | than anything is the fact that they will be |
| what your child’s reaction to everything is. | | | | surrounded by lots of other children who |
| If they are keen to get involved in whatever is | | | | aren’t crying. The message will get through |
| there and reluctant to leave because they | | | | to them: it is ok here. |
| haven’t seen everything yet, then | | | | Finally, make sure you turn up to collect your child |
| that’s a good sign. | | | | on time. I know someone has to be the last |
| Having decided on the actual nursery, you now | | | | parent to arrive but make sure it isn’t you. |
| need to take your child there for several short | | | | When they have been at Nursery for a while |
| visits. They need only be for 10-15 minutes (you | | | | they probably won’t care much if you are |
| don’t want to be a nuisance to the staff | | | | late, they will be too busy helping clear up or |
| or appear as overly fussy). The idea is to get | | | | reading a book, but on Day one, they will care. |