| Madelyn Kubin was a Kansas farm woman who | | | | a new hobby or to get very interested in |
| overpowered her own failing health to care for | | | | something different ? something a person enjoys. |
| her husband after he suffered a debilitating | | | | My flowers are my new hobby. As I was trying |
| stroke. She chronicled her experience through | | | | to get all the plants watered this morning, I |
| writing letters to her daughter. Madelyn developed | | | | couldn?t help but wonder if learning how to screw |
| a myriad of coping strategies in order to maintain | | | | in hoses would help grow new dendrites.? |
| a positive attitude. The following survival tips are | | | | Savor Happy Memories |
| illustrated with excerpts from her letters. | | | | People who are chronically ill or suffer constant |
| Detach Yourself Mentally by Practicing ?Creative | | | | pain can become demanding, cranky, and |
| Indifference? | | | | depressed. Sometimes it can be hard to |
| The routine of caregiving can be confining, tedious, | | | | remember who your loved one was before he or |
| and exhausting. Practicing ?creative indifference? | | | | she got sick. Remembering a happier time helped |
| can help shift your thoughts away from the | | | | Madelyn look at her husband a little differently |
| drudgery of your daily activities and focus your | | | | when she wrote: |
| mental energy in more positive ways. | | | | ?I?ll never forget Valentine?s Day, 1993 when we |
| Madelyn wrote about this philosophy after having | | | | were in Port Richy, Florida. We were on our way |
| a conversation with a friend who was suffering | | | | to meet my sister, her husband, and another |
| with terminal cancer. | | | | couple at a very elegant country club. |
| ?We talked about how we had changed because | | | | On the way, we stopped at a grocery store to |
| of the illnesses. He said he and his wife have | | | | see if we could find an inexpensive floral gift for |
| developed a greater sense of humor. They see | | | | Jean and her friend. We were about to give up |
| things funny that I guess most people wouldn?t. I | | | | when the clerk showed us an orchid mounted in a |
| told him I had developed a detached attitude. He | | | | small white wicker basket. We selected two. I |
| says he calls it creative indifference and he has | | | | must have been looking wistful, because Quentin |
| developed it too. I like that better, as detached | | | | asked if I would like to have one. I said I sure |
| seems cold. Whatever you call it, it means not | | | | would! |
| allowing yourself to become emotionally ravaged | | | | It was so pretty that I didn?t want to mess up |
| by the progression of events.? | | | | the corsage by wearing it, so I kept it in the |
| Learn Something New | | | | basket. Our meal was delicious. There was free |
| Embrace the process of learning. Reading to | | | | champagne and a flower for each lady. As we |
| expand your mind, developing a new skill, or even | | | | drove around that day I had the most joyous |
| performing a routine task in a different way can | | | | awareness of how much I loved my husband of |
| be invigorating. Even though you may feel | | | | fifty-one years. The flower lasted three weeks. |
| physically confined in your caregiving role, there | | | | This is another experience I?ll never be able to |
| are no restrictions on how far your mind can go. | | | | repeat, but I?m so glad I have the memory.? |
| Madelyn described it this way: | | | | Madelyn survived her caregiving experience by |
| ?I read that we have little root-like things called | | | | taking care of herself physically, mentally, and |
| dendrites in our brain. The article stated that | | | | spiritually. Although there is nothing that can make |
| people can grow new dendrites to replace some | | | | the job of caregiving easy, developing an attitude |
| that are lost from a stroke ? or even old age. | | | | of creative indifference, learning something new, |
| The secret is to develop some new habits. It | | | | and savoring happy memories can help reduce |
| seems that one good way is to exercise, develop | | | | the stress. |