| Many parents feel an ongoing sense of drowning | | | | matures within the family dynamic. |
| in a sea of unmanageable behaviors, frustrations | | | | Families that possess attachment problems have |
| related to child management, and their own | | | | difficulty connecting to each other and those |
| ineffective styles of creating and maintaining | | | | outside of their family rather equally, which is also |
| satisfying relationships. Many of these parents are | | | | related to having ineffective strategies to manage |
| the faithful followers of a family culture and | | | | emotional intensity. This can result in a lack of |
| dynamic that is personally unsatisfying and has | | | | trust and eroded self-worth for many if not all |
| ill-prepared them for the day to day demands of | | | | family members. Many times there exists and |
| operating in a family of their own. The primary | | | | underlying flavor of disappointment, fear of being |
| difficulty is that they have grown to maturity is a | | | | alone, fear of letting others get close, and a |
| family system that has dysregulated, interfered | | | | tremendous need to control through coercive |
| with or interrupted their social, emotional, | | | | tactics. Families become the vehicle of |
| psychological and sometimes physical | | | | multigenerational transmission of traumagenic |
| development. The impact of this disruption often | | | | family structure which inadequately trains models |
| generates predictable family patterns of | | | | or employs effective attachment and attunement |
| interaction that lead to insufficient or insecure | | | | strategies. Essentially the primary training ground |
| attachments between parent and child as well as | | | | for these strategies are missing effective |
| between child and others. | | | | strategies, and the poor quality attachments get |
| Attachment is about the degree that one feels | | | | moved down from generation to generation, and |
| emotionally connected to others, and the | | | | may well be related to many societal issues and |
| predictable nature of that connection. Attachment | | | | challenges face in the world today. |
| allows each of us to have those in our lives that | | | | Helping families develop effective strategies can |
| we know we can count on, if we are stranded | | | | be accomplished in a number of settings, marital |
| they will come rescue us, or when we are upset | | | | or family therapy, support groups, parent |
| they will come to our aid. When attachment is | | | | education programs that focus on relationship |
| inconsistent or poor the predictable nature of the | | | | enhancement, and through participation in a faith |
| emotional connection is vague and ill-formed. This | | | | community. This is by no means an exhaustive list |
| appreciably reduces trust and the calm | | | | of possibilities, but they do represent a common |
| expectation of support that human beings rely on | | | | and usually available avenue to remold the |
| to feel a part of a community or family. | | | | attachment and attunement patterns found in |
| Where exactly does attachment falter in many | | | | traumagenic families. |
| that struggle with it throughout their lives? When | | | | An article may have limited ability to offer much |
| family members experience dysregulated | | | | of substance in the way of help and support, but |
| interactions with each other, then the person to | | | | below a few suggestions are offered to reduce |
| person attunement is non-existent, weak, or | | | | the impact of traumagenic families on the |
| inconsistent. Attunement is more about the ability | | | | attachment and attunement process of families |
| to read others, noticing and reacting to the | | | | that may struggle with this issue. |
| nuances of the individual. This is like being able to | | | | Attunement and Attachment can be improved |
| step into the rhythm of someone else's dance | | | | through working to accomplishing the following: |
| and pick up the dance steps you need to | | | | - Parents learning to recognize and regulate their |
| successfully perform within the social exchange or | | | | own emotions |
| interaction. Learning to recognize and correctly | | | | - Model increasingly effective self regulation and |
| predict the interactions (dance) of others would | | | | reinforce family member attempts to |
| subsume that there is an existent consistency in | | | | self-regulate their emotions. |
| behavioral and emotional environment. | | | | - Parents develop ability to tolerate emotional |
| Attunement and attachment are two areas of | | | | intensity without reacting negatively to family |
| concern when dealing with family dynamics which | | | | members. |
| that will interrupt a child's success at forming a | | | | - Model increasingly effective ability to tolerate |
| meaningful and satisfying emotional bond with | | | | emotional intensity without reacting and reinforce |
| family members. When failing to satisfactorily | | | | attempts made by other family members to |
| form meaningful and gratifying emotional bond it is | | | | tolerate emotional intensity |
| easy to pathologize these families as being | | | | - Develop consistent, loving delivered and |
| dysfunctional. Much has been and will continue to | | | | enforced boundaries around require performance |
| be written about the dysfunctional family. | | | | in the family. |
| However, a recognition of the dysfunction | | | | - Protect and invest time to have pleasant |
| frequently carries and unfortunate element of | | | | activities that are based on communication such |
| judgment about parents and caregivers. | | | | as playing games inside and outside of the house, |
| Families that struggle with the quality of | | | | doing work together, make time to talk and share |
| attachment, sometimes labeled as insecure | | | | ideas and experiences. |
| attachment consistently fail to develop, employ | | | | - Caregivers need to model a pattern of how |
| consistently, and propagate the strategies to build | | | | they manage their own mistakes and initiate |
| and maintain relationships that are meaningful and | | | | repair. |
| satisfying. This is not an intentional instruction | | | | - Develop and maintain predictable routines and |
| given by the parent to the child, but a passive | | | | schedules. |
| schooling delivered to the child as he or she | | | | |