| People tend to take on too much responsibility | | | | mind. You can do this process of diving into the |
| when trying to support a loved one with cancer. | | | | emotion very easily. |
| They work to avoid troubling others. They try to | | | | The emotion is absolutely desperate to be felt. All |
| ‘tough it out’ alone at the expense of | | | | you have to do is loosen your chokehold on it for |
| their own emotional well being. I discuss this | | | | long enough to do that. If it makes you cry, then |
| tendency in my book Their Cancer – Your | | | | cry. If you feel the need to shout then do that |
| Journey, and suggest ways to lighten your load | | | | too. The people around you will get over it. |
| by sharing it. | | | | Now you have handled your fear of how you |
| “A problem shared is a problem halved”, | | | | feel, you are free to connect with others. They |
| the old saying goes. There is a lot of truth in that! | | | | could be other friends or relatives of the person |
| When you are suffering alone, the chances are | | | | who has cancer, with whom you can share |
| that you will feel much worse. The problems that | | | | empathy and support. They could be other people |
| you have will grow into impossible challenges, and | | | | whom you care about and who care about |
| you may despair of how you are going to deal | | | | what’s happening to you. They could be |
| with them. You may find that one reason why | | | | anyone who already qualified to be your emotional |
| you are choosing to suffer alone is fear. If you | | | | sounding board. You could get some Guatemalan |
| are afraid to feel your emotions fully, this may | | | | Worry Dolls and tell your troubles to them. Or |
| make you hold back from sharing them with | | | | you could go deeper and say that you will share |
| others. | | | | your feelings with God, the universe or the angels |
| To overcome this, you can make a conscious | | | | if that is your preference. |
| decision to dive into the centre of the emotion. All | | | | Extracted from Their Cancer – Your Journey |
| too often we believe that if we give in to a | | | | ©2008 Anne Orchard |
| feeling it will conquer us. We have been taught | | | | Caring for a loved one with cancer can be |
| that we need to control our emotions – think | | | | physically and emotionally exhausting. Only |
| Spock in Star Trek, or the stiff upper lip of us | | | | Superman or Superwoman can do it alone. |
| Brits. In fact the truth is almost the opposite. If | | | | Don’t be afraid to recognize your limitations. |
| you dive into the emotion, let it wash over you, | | | | Find a way to lessen the burden on your mood |
| you often find that at the centre there is nothing | | | | and spirit. Share your experience with a spiritual |
| there. It is a little like the eye of the hurricane. At | | | | advisor, confide in a close friend, or meditate. |
| the centre of even the strongest emotion there | | | | It’s important that you do whatever is |
| is a patch of calm, where the feeling is quieter | | | | necessary to ensure that your health and well |
| even though it may still be there. So the fear that | | | | being are maintained as you strive to support |
| stops you from allowing your emotions to flow is | | | | your loved one. |
| keeping those emotions in the forefront of your | | | | |