| Alzheimer's is a progressive disease. In the | | | | are some proven responses. |
| moderate stage of the disease your loved one | | | | 1. AGREE. Nothing diffuses an argument faster |
| may make unfounded -- even wild -- accusations. | | | | than agreeing with an agitated person. You may |
| Personality changes are common at this stage | | | | agree that your loved one's new place is as small |
| according to What kinds of accusations are we | | | | as a box. Or you may say, "No, the food here is |
| talking about? | | | | not like the home-cooked meals Mom used to |
| The University of Maryland Medical Center says | | | | make." |
| people with memory disease may accuse their | | | | 2. DISTRACT. A related topic may divert your |
| spouse of infidelity. This is a hurtful accusation and | | | | loved one's attention. The above example about |
| you may be accused of other hurtful things. | | | | home-cooked meals is the perfect lead-in for a |
| Nancy L. Mace and Peter V. Rabins, MD, authors | | | | discussion of your loved one's favorite meals. |
| of "The 36-Hour Day," cite examples of memory | | | | Arrange for this meal, if possible. You may also |
| disease accusations. Two of them: "You are cruel | | | | distract your loved one with a new activity. |
| to me" and "You are not my spouse." | | | | 3. CHANGE LANGUAGE. Liz Ayres. an Alzheimer's |
| People with memory disease may accuse loved | | | | volunteer and former caregiver, gives examples |
| ones of trying to kill them. Caregiving is hard | | | | of language changes on State instructions in a |
| enough without accusations like these and you | | | | short sentence, Ayres says, and repeat them the |
| have to survive the final stages of disease. | | | | same way. Ayres thinks "but" is an upsetting |
| My mother thought people were stealing from | | | | word and says we should replace it with |
| her. Often the missing item was in plain sight, but | | | | "nevertheless." "I know chicken's not your favorite |
| my mother could not see it because she had | | | | food (smile) nevertheless I'd appreciate if you |
| visual agnosia -- the inability to identify objects | | | | would eat a little." |
| and people. Finding lost items did not stop her | | | | 4. DISCUSS. Keep a written record of your loved |
| accusations. Dealing with these accusations was | | | | one's accusations and dates. Discuss these |
| hard for me because my mother had snitched | | | | accusations with your loved one's doctor and the |
| someone's teddy bear. | | | | Assisted Living or nursing home staff. Medications |
| How should caregivers respond? The Alzheimer's | | | | may have to be adjusted and/or new ones may |
| Association of Los Angeles tells caregivers to | | | | be prescribed. |
| "respond carefully to threats and accusations." | | | | As your loved one's Alzheimer's progresses you |
| You cannot reason with an impaired mind so do | | | | will be the target of many accusations. Do not |
| not waste time on arguing. It is wise to prepare | | | | take them personally. Remember, you are talking |
| yourself for accusations for they will come. Here | | | | to the disease, not the person you once knew. |